What to Do After a Breakup: The First Day, Week and Month
It just ended. Maybe an hour ago, maybe last night. You're sitting with your phone in your hand, not sure whether to cry, call someone, or text them one more time. Nothing feels like the right next move.
You don't need a full plan for getting over them yet. You need a plan for the next few days. Here's a simple one, in order.
Today
- Tell one person. A friend, a sibling, a parent. One message is enough: "We broke up. Can you talk later?" Not being alone with it matters more than what you say.
- Don't send the message you're drafting. The one asking why, or saying you'll change, or just "I miss you already". Write it in your notes instead. You can decide tomorrow whether it still needs to exist.
- Eat something and drink water. Shock kills appetite. Toast counts.
- Plan tonight. Evenings are the hardest. Ask someone to come over, or call them, or put on something comforting you've seen before.
The first three days
- Mute or archive their chat. You don't have to block them or delete anything. Just get their name off the top of your screen.
- Mute them on social media. Seeing their stories now will only hurt. See unfollow, mute or block to pick the right option.
- Keep one small routine. A walk in the morning, a shower, making your bed. When everything feels shaky, a few fixed points help.
- Let yourself feel it. Crying, anger, numbness and relief, sometimes in the same hour, are all normal.
- Avoid big decisions. Don't quit your job, move cities or cut your hair dramatically this week. Give it a little time.
The first two weeks
Decide on no contact
If you don't need to be in touch for practical reasons, this is the single most useful decision you can make early. Every message reopens the wound; silence lets it start closing. Read the no contact rule for how it works and how long to keep it.
Handle the practical ties
Shared things keep you in contact: keys, belongings, subscriptions, bills. Settle them in one short, practical exchange rather than many small ones. Here's how to return their stuff without reopening everything.
Move the reminders out of sight
Photos, gifts, the hoodie on your chair. You don't need to throw anything away. Put it in a box or a hidden album for now. More in should I delete pictures of my ex?
Fill the gaps they left
Notice the times of day you used to spend with them, or texting them, and put something else there: a friend, a class, a walk, a podcast. The empty slots are where most urges to reach out happen.
What not to worry about yet
- Closure. You don't need to understand everything right now. That comes later, and mostly on your own. See how to get closure.
- Whether they'll come back. Nobody knows, and waiting won't help you either way.
- How long this will take. It will take as long as it takes, and it does get lighter.
If you can't sleep or eat for days, if you're using alcohol to get through, or if you have thoughts of hurting yourself, please talk to a doctor or a crisis line. A breakup can hit very hard, and asking for help is the right move, not an overreaction.
Don't try to get over them this week. Just get through this week.
Frequently asked questions
What should I do right after a breakup?
Tell one person you trust, avoid sending your ex more messages, eat and drink something, and plan the first evening so you're not alone with your phone.
What should you not do after a breakup?
Avoid big life decisions, repeated messages to your ex, checking their social media and drinking to numb the feeling. They usually make the next weeks harder.
Should I go no contact right after a breakup?
If you don't need to be in touch for practical reasons, yes, it's one of the most useful early decisions. Settle shared things first, in one short exchange.
OverYou is a free iPhone app for keeping no contact: a streak, a 60-second timer for when the urge hits, and a place to write the text instead of sending it. See how it works.